The Beautiful Ache

“Lord you’re calling me to come and behold the wondrous cross, to explore the depths of grace that came to me at such a cost, where your boundless love conquered my boundless sin, and mercy’s arms were opened wide.

My heart is filled with a thousand songs proclaiming the glories of Calvary. With every breath, Lord, how I long to sing of Jesus who died for me. Lord, take me deeper into the glories of Calvary.

Sinners find eternal joy in the triumph of your wounds. By our Savior’s crimson flow holy wrath has been removed. And your saints below join with your saints above, rejoicing in the Risen Lamb.”

We sang the above song at church this morning. It stopped me in my tracks. There is a sort of rapture when the feelings and thoughts of your heart that are rooted so deeply are able to be articulated.

I’ve been reflecting on the life to come a lot lately. For so long the next life scared me. There’s so much unknown. This life, this earth…it’s all I know. But the more God causes me to know Him better, the more the fear of what’s to come becomes a longing for it, an ache for wholeness and being in the presence of my Lord.

At the end of each service we lift our hands heavenward and sing the doxology. As I looked around me I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the body of believers. Hands raised high, joining our hearts with the saints below and the saints above, worshiping the Risen Lamb. I thought of my grandparents who have gone to be with the Lord, singing in the presence of our Savior. I thought of Paul and David and Peter and Thomas, singing, I imagine, with just as much gusto and awe as they did their first day in glory. The beauty of it is too great to comprehend. In that moment I felt like I was given a brief taste of heaven. My heart truly is filled with a thousand songs proclaiming the glories of Calvary, the love of Christ, the all encompassing grace of God. He has given me these songs. He hasn’t just covered over my sins with His righteousness, He has taken my broken, ugly, sinful heart and given me a heart that longs for more of Him. More of His love, more of His grace, more of His presence. I’m certain that I won’t be fully satisfied until I’m able to see His face and embrace Him. What a sweet embrace it will be. So my heart aches for that day and what a beautiful gift this ache is.